


On Your Mind

by ichiharu23



Category: Sengoku Basara
Genre: Jealous Ieyasu and lots of angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 15:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5876641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ichiharu23/pseuds/ichiharu23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was as if Masamune would look anywhere. Anywhere but him. And the worst part of it all was that he couldn’t blame him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Your Mind

Thoughts about Masamune haunted him many a time.

They had been like a plague which constantly gnawed at him from the inside as he daydreamed helplessly. In broad daylight, on lonely nights, on days when he wished that the One-Eyed Dragon was actually there lying next to him to hug him and reassure him that he’d always be there for him.

But to Ieyasu, that wish had always felt like nothing but a faraway dream.

Having stuck this long with the lord of Oushuu, he would be lying if he said that he didn’t understand his own feelings by now. He loved Masamune. And judging by how much he was on his mind, it was probably at the level of an obsession.

There had even been times where Masamune was the only thing he could think of. How much he had wanted the sharpness of that dragon eye to look back straight at his golden ones and pierce right through him, seeing all his hidden feelings. How much he wanted Masamune to return them. How much he wanted those strong arms to hold him possessively with that confident smirk buried in the crook of his neck as he whispered sweet words into his ear. But of course…

Nonsense! Empty dreams! All of them! His fingers dug forcefully into his pillow as he twisted about in his futon, unable to sleep.

Masamune’s gaze was always elsewhere.

He always looked towards Sanada, the only one whom the Dragon Lord had approved as his rival. He had seen, even since his younger days, how the Young Tiger of Kai would keep Masamune’s mind preoccupied entirely.

How Masamune would draft careful plans, make thorough strategies, and practice for their next fight for years on end without ever getting exhausted. How much his eye burned with passion and dreams, how all the hair at the back of his neck would stand just at the mention of the Tiger’s name. How his entire body would tremble from the excitement just before any of their battles.

Ieyasu could tell that it was an undying flame, one that he definitely didn’t have a chance to even stand up to. So he only watched on from the sidelines.

Years later when he had grown up and gone to ask Masamune if they could join hands as the Eastern Army, he had come with some confidence and hope that maybe something might have changed, and that he could have a little more luck.

And indeed he was right. Things have changed, and Masamune’s attention had shifted elsewhere.

Except that this time, it was Mitsunari.

Ieyasu saw how the only thing burned into that dragon eye now was the silver-haired Toyotomi general.

Masamune growled his name, talked about him, shared his plans of how he would murder him in cold blood the next time they met as revenge for what he did to him at Odawara. He told him hundreds of ways he would do it, plans carefully cooked up over a long period of time in excruciating detail. Mitsunari followed him even to his dreams, and it was all Masamune ever talked about whenever they sat down together. The Toyotomi general drove him crazy in his every waking moment.

Sure it was one of hatred, but an obsession nonetheless. And Ieyasu couldn’t believe his former friend, whom Masamune had just met a couple of months ago, could beat him into the Dragon Lord’s daily thoughts.

It was as if in this world, Masamune would look anywhere. Anywhere but him. And the worst part of it all was that he couldn’t blame him.

Ieyasu had seen how Sanada fought with him. The Young Tiger of Kai was strong, and even Ieyasu himself approved of him. The type of fiery battles he had fought with Masamune was unfortunately something he could never offer, no matter how hard he tried.

And Mitsunari. To be able to gain that much attention from Masamune, he must have done something really awe inspiring, no matter how terrible it could be. As Ieyasu had known him and his skills personally, he could be certain that Mitsunari was a great general worthy of respect. There were a lot of aspects he had that Ieyasu could only ever dream of having, so Masamune being more interested in him was no surprise.

But still…

Somewhere deep down, he just wanted to scream frustratedly at everything until his lungs tore.

_I was here first! He chose to ally with me instead of anyone else! I had been with him longer than any of you. And we could talk to each other in a carefree manner, something that he wouldn’t do with just anyone else. Just… Masamune, why won’t you ever look this way?!_

He wanted to be the one on the Dragon Lord’s mind. He wanted to be the one to set his heart on fire, to make it dance with delight every time he saw him. He wanted to be the one Masamune would spend days planning how to surprise and please. He wanted to be the one to keep him awake at nights, never leaving his thoughts.

But alas, Masamune’s feelings were not for him to decide. At worst, he never even deserved him.

Every time that realization dawned upon him, he would take back all his words. He would feel disgusted with himself for harboring such feelings. Feel filthy and evil and bad for every second he could even let such thoughts slip into his mind and take control of him. And then he would proceed to beat, scold and punish himself severely in his head.

However, he was used to this by now, as he had gone through the same procedure repetitively over countless days and countless nights. It would always end up with him crying into his pillow with a gaping hole in his heart.

If anything, Ieyasu hated to think about how this had been happening even more often recently as he sobbed into his pillow. In dismay, he curled up and hugged himself for comfort, the cold night air of the room only serving to magnify his abyssal loneliness.

He tried to allow himself to drift off to sleep. To let the all-consuming darkness take him and empty his mind of all his meaningless thoughts. Every night was the same struggle, and he only needed to do his best to forget about everything in that quiet, empty room.

Except that tonight, the door slid open for once, followed by a worried voice.

“Hey, Ieyasu. Were you crying?”


End file.
